Carnivore
04-02-2012, 09:52 AM
I've seen doctors and they all tell me I gotta stop drugs and that's what I'm trying to do but it's so hard man, it's so hard. Only adults can stop doing drugs because they did not start as a teen and I've started too soon and now my life is screwed up yeah it's screwed up. Everytime I've tried to stop drugs I can resist temptation for one week and then it's calling me man, it's fucking calling me like a voice in my head how can I resist? It's like a force, it's like I feel my mind is sleeping when I don't have it how can I go through life without it and why trying to stop my doctor says drugs are the reasons why I have these terrible headaches and if I don't stop I'm heading to a permanent migraines symptom and I won't be able to do anything all do for the rest of my life and he says we are in America kid, you won't get no social security over your problem, the state ain't gonna give you money for you to survive just because you have this handicap so you're gonna end up begging in the streets and even begging won't be possible because there's no way you can sit down in the street the whole day because your head will hurt so bad if you keep doing drugs so he tells me to stop and I think he's right but I can't something's missing from my life but I don't know what. A girlfriend maybe I should try to call my ex back and tell her I really want to get sober and clean and shit but she won't forgive me I think. You know Ceresa was a really nice girl but I did not realize how lucky I was to have a nice girl like that with me and drugs were giving me more pleasure than be with her so I spent more time looking for my dealer and buy and put it in the syringue in straight in my veins and she thought there's nothing I can do for that boy and she left me and I understand it because I really was so freaking lost in my head and I tried to tell her look I'm so young you gotta forgive me and you gotta give me another chance but there was no way she would listen to me especially since I called her mother a bitch. Yeah because her mother tried to talk to me you know. This one saturday I went to my girlfriend house and I was gonna take her to the movie and her mother took me in another room and told me yeah boy, I know you have a problem with drugs and you gotta stop it because you are ruinning your health and your future and it's not just your life you are spoiling away but also my daughter life because she's constantly worried about you and then you stop for a week and I see her very happy and she's smiling and all and I'm so glad my daughter is happy again and all the sudden I see her coming back from school with this tinge of sadness on her face and when I ask her what's wrong my darling she tells me my boyfriends has fallen for drugs again and he has puked all over himself and he's going to be like a worm for a whole day again and I can't stand it anymore and I think I'm gonna leave him and mom I'm sorry to do that because I really loved him I really do but he's not trying to help himself and I have been trying to support him for a year and all i get in return are insults and I have to help him take a bath because he's so dirty and he can't take care of himself when he's so druged up and life as a couple can't be like that no it can't be like that mom please help me would I be a bad girl if I leave him ? And then her mom tells me if you don't try to help yourself I'm gonna tell my daughter to leave you and then I snapped and I said to her mom you're a fucking bitch ! and I left and now I came to this forum and I thought I could ask for advice because it seems like you can de that here and please tell me what to do because I love my girlfriend and I don't want to loose her